Wuv sick --lines from nowhere.

One:
"I think I'm in love with you. No, I don't have time to think!"

Two:
"You know what? Whenever I hear your name, 12 of my 53 facial muscles react."

Three:
"In reality, money makes worlds go round and love is just the second-placer. Coz if it's first, you will visit my world."

Four:
"I like it when you cry.. especially if [out of love] it's because of me."

Five:
"I want you to HUGGLE me like you belong to my skin!"

Six:
"You make me feel like everything is possible."

Seven:
"If you want me drunk, I want it with you. Because I know you will still like me in my wildest state."

Eight:
"Ok.. I admit. I sometimes pretend to be innocent or ignorant just so you will talk more and I just listen."

Nine:
"Even if you ignore them.. I'd still give my ideas anyway. You will need them when yours fail."

Ten:
"Your love gives me strength and makes me feel like I can do the impossible while loving you gives me the inspiration and motivation to make it possible."

Eleven:
"I dream of being trapped in an elevator... with you."

Twelve:
"I was once told to reach for my dreams. That's why I have you."

Thirteen:
"Nobody's perfect... until you fall in love."

Fourteen:
"My coffee is bitter without you... stir it with your finger so it is sweet again."

Fifteen:
"I know I'm not the one you've been dreaming of... and I can't give you everything. I can only give my love and that's all that I have."

I'm expensive.

Mahal ako ng tatay ko dahil:

.pinagluto nya ko ng paborito kong chopsuey
.binibigyan ako ng pambili ng meryenda tuwing hapon
.sinesermonan ako kapag lasheng sya
.binili ako ng tsinelas nung nagreklamo ako dati na 'for public use' ang tsinelas ko dahil sinusuot nila kaya't di ako makaalis ng bahay
.nung kaming dalawa ang naiawan sa bahay at nagpabili ng tatlong banana cue, tinanong ko kung bakit.. sabi nya, akin raw yung dalawa


Mahal ako ng nanay ko dahil:

.ginawan nya ko ng shoulder bag ayon sa disenyo ko
.pinapatawa ako sa kakornihan ng mga hirit nyang jokes
.nagpapapicture sya saken kapag magandang maganda sya sa suot nya
.ako ang inuutusang magtimpla ng kape nya.. ang di nya alam, narinig kong sinabi nya sa kapatid ko na masarap akong magtimpla

[not] Happy Birthday!

This is my second lonely birthday. Nothing special. Nothing exciting nor surprising. Greetings? Nah... they're just words. Just 7% of the total expression of feeling or emotion of a person. Though I still had appreciated the people who greeted me.

I tried to be happy. Believe me I did! After waking up, I talked to God [like I always do]. I thanked Him for my life and that I'm still alive. I also thanked for the loving people that I have now.
After that, I made my own breakfast. If there's a god or goddess of coffee, I'd be a devotee.. :D Anyway, family members, friends, and a best friend greeted me. And then, blah... blah... blah... yadah... yadah... yadah...

The sad part? It was another gone-in-the-calendar date. By the way, few days before this, I cut out the blocks that dated September 23 in all of the calendars in our home. So I guess that makes sense...
However, there's still one thing that kept my hope up. I was expecting for a very special gift from a very special person. Unfortunately... ... ...

Yeah! That's it! You got it! High five! :D

So, ummm... I'd probably start saving money now for my next birthday and I'll make sure it will be memorable and I'll enjoy every moment of it. After all, nobody knows my true happiness but me.

Helpless

Words racing through my mind,
their destinations
hidden from my cognitive interogation...

I find myself
full of emotions,
yet empty and helpless
as fear casts a shadow
upon my heart...

I try to catch the words
as they pass by,
so I could show my love
how my heart does cry.

Please remove this fear
and take it out of here...

Allow love to restore
our faith and hope,
for very soon
we will hug and grope.

My cure for my candy.

The psychiatrist told me to take Danrobpethoffcin as my cure for my slight philophobia. It’s been a year since I had it. Thank goodness, it didn’t turn into a severe pain that might drown me in despair. He told me the early symptoms I should have seen but me, myself, didn’t notice it at all. Maybe because I was bedazzled by it’s effect on my entire body. “How did I get it?” I asked him. But he returned the question just by staring at me, which obviously meant that the answer is within me.

I looked back to my memory and instantly, I had phantasmagoria of happy memories while ignoring the little details of sad and regretful moments. I smiled while tears ran down my face. I then started to speak slowly as if every words took time embracing their momentarily existence. I told him all. From the day I found this freakin’ly delicious milk-coated chewy candy bar in an online candy store made from another country, which is five hours earlier of my time, until the day it became rare to have.

I admit, I was addicted to it. I’m selfish. I stay up late just to have it and so no one will bother to ask me to share it. I sometimes cry when it is not available online. I will hate it for a moment but I will still love it in the next few minutes even if I didn’t have it by then. I didn’t get tired of eating it every night even if it’s hard to chew. It’s not that sweet but I can tell, it’s distinctive taste made me crave for it. I swear I was an addict. I collect each and every cute pictures together with it and I watch its commercials over and over again. I make fun of some pictures and just staring at some of them makes me the happiest living person in the planet. Again, I’m an addict. But just this mid-year, it became limited. I can only get to have it on certain days and there’s only a slight chance of getting a free picture in it.

That’s when my symptoms became visible. I didn’t notice it until this psychiatrist analyzed me. He said I was sad… I was depressed… I was nostalgic… I was an addict. I missed it more than my real self. “That’s your problem,” he said. I forgot about my little self who’s just wandering inside of me and this super delicious candy bar made it invisible to my eyes. I cried. I was confused. I got lost of my track. I didn’t know what to do next. It’s like all the problems, even the non-related, jumped into my mind all at once trying to fit each of themselves and pushing others around. A river of tears streamed across my cheeks and meaningless words came out of my mouth. “Hush. Relax.” he said and slowly stood up and went to his table. I became quiet giving my tears the opportunity to show how I feel.

He went back carrying a tray and placed it on a table in front of me. On it, there was a white bottle and beside it was a flat round-shaped brown-colored tablet. “You can have it if you like. Anyway, it’s really for you,” he told me. I hesitated. It looks old… like it was left alone in a shelf for a long time and just waiting for someone to have it. Without a doubt, I took it and popped it in my mouth. But then, it suddenly came to my mind that he didn’t say anything about it. Will it fill my head with air as if I’m on a high or will it kill me so that I will get away with everything quickly? Am I being deceived again? I chewed it. A moment later, a flavor of chocolate had spread in my tongue. It was a different kind of chocolate because it also tickles me. I was enlightened. I was relieved. It filled me with love. It was like a breath of fresh air. I liked it a lot. “Thank you,” I said and he replied with a very warm welcome.

It’s been months now and I kind of moved on to this new tablet which makes me feel satisfied. Every time I eat it, it gives the taste that I like… the simple joy that I need. I keep in a very safe place. A place where no one could find it. Haha! Funny because I still have this selfish attitude. But why wouldn’t I be? The label says it is for me. And it is better than my old freakin’ly delicious milk-coated chewy candy bar. But ok, I confess… I still somehow crave for it but just a teeny-weeny-tiny bit. Nothing more. But the tablet? It’s the best cure for me by far.

[not] Happy Birthday!

It's my birthday and I should be happy, right? But I still feel cold and alone even if I'm surrounded by people close to me.
There's something missing. Someone. Something I so badly want but couldn't feel it. It's like I can almost taste it but it keeps getting away. Is it in me? Hmmm.. I guess just a part of it. If I peek out of my closet, will it be a good move? It's either a chance or a risk. But the thing is that I'm afraid. Afraid of things that might get wrong... might change. I still haven't found someone whom I can give my full trust. The one that can understands me. Love? What's that? Is it a type of food? Never tasted one. Well, actually if I had eaten one without knowing it is already love, I can say it's bitter or somehow tastes like water or a certain ingredient is missing. Sweet? so you mean it's a dessert? Hmmm... So it's at the end? Well, I don't know if I'm there now. But you got a point. Heck! If I had a chance to know one thing in my future, I would risk asking if we will see each other someday. If our lives will intertwine or be total strangers. Ok so now, my heart is like sinking down and down and it gets heavier and heavier. It feels like someone with enormous hand squeezes me softly and the reservoir on the back of my eyes is about to overflow. Mine is not normal. It's one of the reasons of discrimination. But oh God! What's wrong with that? I'm also a human. The only thing that I might never can avoid is unusual treatment because in the keen eyes of the world, it is not normal. It's still not accepted though it's now out in the open. Ok, I'm so badly in love you and I can't see myself not thinking of you every waking moment of my life. That's why I became addicted to emotional songs. That's why I became poetic. I became sophisticated when I write personal write-ups. I can cry with ease just by thinking of you with the fact that you're not in my waiting arms. I became so afraid that losing you will crush my whole body any minute.. die. In addition to this dramatic sequence, I don't know what's in your head. In your heart. In you. Do you really like me or I'm just having wonderful thoughts that you are or maybe you're just riding along just to make me think that you are.. playing along or some sort. Did I say playing? Or acting? It hurts but I make it not too much obvious. But if I will listen to the little voice screaming in somewhere inside of me, I bet, it's now drowning because of overflowing tears.. and blood. I bleed.. even if I still haven't got to the point where I would be the happiest person in the planet. I skipped through somewhere in the process of.. What do you call that again? Love? And now you're asking why? Two words: False Hope. I keep on believing even if I already know that there's not even a slightest chance. But who knows? I always say to myself that whoever is compared to you, I would still choose you. Am I insane? I'm keeping you locked in a heart-shaped cell and forgot where I placed the keys. Selfish. Heck. Now I want to know your side. Speak up! Either torment me with your candy-coated lies or break me down with your one-time honesty. I'm so badly afraid to lose you and I would keep on telling you that. Sheesh.. I'm pathetic. Vulnerable. Weak. How can I be strong if no one keeps me to be? How can I be stable? Contented? No one has ever tried to make me feel that way. Don't give me advices as if you are the love guru. Don't tell me love is sometimes this, sometimes that, because it pisses me off. Don't tell me that you have experienced it because it's still different. Or rather, after you speak to me all of those nonsense of yours, I would simply say: Nah.. You don't know me.