It's my birthday and I should be happy, right? But I still feel cold and alone even if I'm surrounded by people close to me.
There's something missing. Someone. Something I so badly want but couldn't feel it. It's like I can almost taste it but it keeps getting away. Is it in me? Hmmm.. I guess just a part of it. If I peek out of my closet, will it be a good move? It's either a chance or a risk. But the thing is that I'm afraid. Afraid of things that might get wrong... might change. I still haven't found someone whom I can give my full trust. The one that can understands me. Love? What's that? Is it a type of food? Never tasted one. Well, actually if I had eaten one without knowing it is already love, I can say it's bitter or somehow tastes like water or a certain ingredient is missing. Sweet? so you mean it's a dessert? Hmmm... So it's at the end? Well, I don't know if I'm there now. But you got a point. Heck! If I had a chance to know one thing in my future, I would risk asking if we will see each other someday. If our lives will intertwine or be total strangers. Ok so now, my heart is like sinking down and down and it gets heavier and heavier. It feels like someone with enormous hand squeezes me softly and the reservoir on the back of my eyes is about to overflow. Mine is not normal. It's one of the reasons of discrimination. But oh God! What's wrong with that? I'm also a human. The only thing that I might never can avoid is unusual treatment because in the keen eyes of the world, it is not normal. It's still not accepted though it's now out in the open. Ok, I'm so badly in love you and I can't see myself not thinking of you every waking moment of my life. That's why I became addicted to emotional songs. That's why I became poetic. I became sophisticated when I write personal write-ups. I can cry with ease just by thinking of you with the fact that you're not in my waiting arms. I became so afraid that losing you will crush my whole body any minute.. die. In addition to this dramatic sequence, I don't know what's in your head. In your heart. In you. Do you really like me or I'm just having wonderful thoughts that you are or maybe you're just riding along just to make me think that you are.. playing along or some sort. Did I say playing? Or acting? It hurts but I make it not too much obvious. But if I will listen to the little voice screaming in somewhere inside of me, I bet, it's now drowning because of overflowing tears.. and blood. I bleed.. even if I still haven't got to the point where I would be the happiest person in the planet. I skipped through somewhere in the process of.. What do you call that again? Love? And now you're asking why? Two words: False Hope. I keep on believing even if I already know that there's not even a slightest chance. But who knows? I always say to myself that whoever is compared to you, I would still choose you. Am I insane? I'm keeping you locked in a heart-shaped cell and forgot where I placed the keys. Selfish. Heck. Now I want to know your side. Speak up! Either torment me with your candy-coated lies or break me down with your one-time honesty. I'm so badly afraid to lose you and I would keep on telling you that. Sheesh.. I'm pathetic. Vulnerable. Weak. How can I be strong if no one keeps me to be? How can I be stable? Contented? No one has ever tried to make me feel that way. Don't give me advices as if you are the love guru. Don't tell me love is sometimes this, sometimes that, because it pisses me off. Don't tell me that you have experienced it because it's still different. Or rather, after you speak to me all of those nonsense of yours, I would simply say: Nah.. You don't know me.
There's something missing. Someone. Something I so badly want but couldn't feel it. It's like I can almost taste it but it keeps getting away. Is it in me? Hmmm.. I guess just a part of it. If I peek out of my closet, will it be a good move? It's either a chance or a risk. But the thing is that I'm afraid. Afraid of things that might get wrong... might change. I still haven't found someone whom I can give my full trust. The one that can understands me. Love? What's that? Is it a type of food? Never tasted one. Well, actually if I had eaten one without knowing it is already love, I can say it's bitter or somehow tastes like water or a certain ingredient is missing. Sweet? so you mean it's a dessert? Hmmm... So it's at the end? Well, I don't know if I'm there now. But you got a point. Heck! If I had a chance to know one thing in my future, I would risk asking if we will see each other someday. If our lives will intertwine or be total strangers. Ok so now, my heart is like sinking down and down and it gets heavier and heavier. It feels like someone with enormous hand squeezes me softly and the reservoir on the back of my eyes is about to overflow. Mine is not normal. It's one of the reasons of discrimination. But oh God! What's wrong with that? I'm also a human. The only thing that I might never can avoid is unusual treatment because in the keen eyes of the world, it is not normal. It's still not accepted though it's now out in the open. Ok, I'm so badly in love you and I can't see myself not thinking of you every waking moment of my life. That's why I became addicted to emotional songs. That's why I became poetic. I became sophisticated when I write personal write-ups. I can cry with ease just by thinking of you with the fact that you're not in my waiting arms. I became so afraid that losing you will crush my whole body any minute.. die. In addition to this dramatic sequence, I don't know what's in your head. In your heart. In you. Do you really like me or I'm just having wonderful thoughts that you are or maybe you're just riding along just to make me think that you are.. playing along or some sort. Did I say playing? Or acting? It hurts but I make it not too much obvious. But if I will listen to the little voice screaming in somewhere inside of me, I bet, it's now drowning because of overflowing tears.. and blood. I bleed.. even if I still haven't got to the point where I would be the happiest person in the planet. I skipped through somewhere in the process of.. What do you call that again? Love? And now you're asking why? Two words: False Hope. I keep on believing even if I already know that there's not even a slightest chance. But who knows? I always say to myself that whoever is compared to you, I would still choose you. Am I insane? I'm keeping you locked in a heart-shaped cell and forgot where I placed the keys. Selfish. Heck. Now I want to know your side. Speak up! Either torment me with your candy-coated lies or break me down with your one-time honesty. I'm so badly afraid to lose you and I would keep on telling you that. Sheesh.. I'm pathetic. Vulnerable. Weak. How can I be strong if no one keeps me to be? How can I be stable? Contented? No one has ever tried to make me feel that way. Don't give me advices as if you are the love guru. Don't tell me love is sometimes this, sometimes that, because it pisses me off. Don't tell me that you have experienced it because it's still different. Or rather, after you speak to me all of those nonsense of yours, I would simply say: Nah.. You don't know me.
